Sunday, May 17, 2015

Pete and repeat?

I'm here and I'm not here. Kids, work, kids, chores, bed. I fit in exercise, Pinterest (because I'm freaking addicted), and writing (because). And I'm tired. Some days I'm on it like a bonnet. Others I try to clear the fog, but only more sleep could do that. Friday I drove to work in tears, but bitch slapped my emotional state in line because there is no crying at work! Yesterday I gave my boys the "I'm a single-working-mom-with-a-dream lecture." If you haven't heard it before, feel lucky because only an overtired ready to snap mom runs with it with enough gusto to count the words off with her fingers. Today I took the keys out of the ignition . . . while I was driving the car! A story just came over the radio that spun my head into so many writing threads, I was smiling and probably mouthing lines I hadn't even typed yet when I yanked the keys out thinking I already reached my destination and parked. The car was still going when I lifted the keys in my hand and shouted "Oh shit!" My six year old thought it was so funny. Me? Not so much but sort of. Will it calm down any times soon? I'm not sure. Last summer I got exactly nothing on my to-do list done. Still, I think I'm going to rock it this summer. So let's get shit done. Anyone out there drowning just a little bit? Maybe treading water until your limbs feel like jello? I'm with you, so you're not alone.

(Photo found on Public Domain Archive, source public domain images)

Thursday, April 30, 2015

When life's kicking your butt, how about a theme song? [17] It's all about mom

May. What the heck? Fine, we're up to May and I'm not ready for it, but I am ready for summer. I keep daydreaming about sunshine and laughter and the water, pool, ocean, doesn't matter. But back to spring time and Mother's Day coming up and a song that reminds you of your mom (or mom figure), or of being a mom, or gets you all sentimental about your kids. Happy May people!

My mom is a big music girl. She taught me the classics and not so classics. She danced and sang and still does. She's got music style.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Always an artist

Flamingos flying
I was an artsy student in college (but don't think I was cool or anything because I wasn't). I had paint under my nails and holey overalls and a constant faraway look on my face. After parties, I'd study my coursebook to plan out all the amazing classes I could take. Then in my less than sober state, I'd plan semester after semester. Which was why I ended up taking classes like History of India and Artificial Intelligence (it had a seriously cool title).

In the mess of liberal arts classes that would in no way prepare me for the real world, I discovered poetry. I don't write poetry now, maybe because I don't drink anymore. I plan to start drinking. It's on the list of things to do, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. But back then with a glass of wine I'd climb out my older than dirt living room window onto the older than snot roof and write (and drink...just a tiny bit, honest).

I was inspired and a little broken. I'd lived enough to see too much but not long enough to move on. Maybe it's the artist way, to hold on to what cuts us, to hold on so we can give it away one day in a magical way. I'm not broken anymore. Not healed either. I'm holding on just long enough to find the world my story fits into so it's not my story anymore because I'm finally ready to let it go. I think that's good.

(By Paul Mannix (Flamingos flying, Lake Nakuru National Park, Kenya) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons)

On another note, check out those freaking flying flamingos!

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

When life's kicking your butt, how about a theme song? [16] Blogger's choice!

April. I have no words. Just kidding, I'm a chatty girl. It's going to be a busy month since I'll continue to work almost double the hours at my job due to an incident that took out two members of the team for a while. I don't have all the tools to blend such long hours at work with my full time mom gig, but it will get sorted out. In the mean time how about a song? Here's a Battle Round song from the NBC show The Voice. I get all emotional watching it. So what song is on your mind right now? Do share. I'll be away from my blog for a bit because it's spring break time and that means Colorado, my dad and step mom and apparently new floors but no furniture (we'll see how that goes), and super awesome Bookworm Brandee.

Monday, March 30, 2015


Cupcake madness
I saw a glimpse of myself the other day, my old/new self post a dozen heartaches and many soul remodels. All because of a vanilla cupcake with yellow frosting and a plastic bunny ring too small for my knuckly fingers. A friend once told me she loved my hands. "You have artist hands." I kept that in my vault of good words. So this cupcake, it made me lightheaded with glee. I'm like that. I sat there at work on a chair that I could swear swiveled, but I think that was just me bouncing in my seat and I held my stomach with one hand and said with the biggest smile and song in my heart, "I love cupcakes. I'm so happy!" The room erupted in laughter. I continued to bounce. It was so good.

"By Nadia Khattab (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons"

Thursday, March 19, 2015

The world is in your hands

Pink Moon (2936081649)
I surfed under a pink moon once long ago. I was a terrible surfer, barely knew the etiquette, kept falling off the board because that first second you pop up and land on a surface pushed by the warm Pacific you bounce, or I bounce. It wasn't my board or ride to the beach or even my idea. Midnight surfing under a full moon? Still, I was giddy. A couple times early on I thought about how turtle-like I looked for hungry sharks, then my eyes found the moon, huge and pink and so close I lost my breath. It was a pure moment, salt water dripping from my hair, goosebumps traveling my body, laughter all around me because my friends were crazy, the kind of crazy that plan a midnight surfing trip. It was a moment when the world stretched forward and stood all around you, not so out of reach, not so unattainable. That's it. It's that moment when you feel like you can take on the world. It was so good.

"By Rennett Stowe from USA (Pink Moon  Uploaded by russavia) [CC BY 2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons"

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Friday funny!

Happy Friday people! Here's a funny youtube video to send you on your way to good times!

Saturday, February 28, 2015

When life's kicking your butt, how about a theme song? [15] The perfect song for that book!

March is here. Impossible! My oldest starts up Special Olympics swimming this month and my youngest will continue with his art classes. My list is filled with author girl goals and find my spirit goals and hopefully wake up early and workout goals. What's your March look like? Whether you're just going to sit back and enjoy the cherry trees blossoming or you plan to kick your butt into action, how about doing all that to music? This month we're tapping books for inspiration.

Into the Mystic drops me into the book Slammed by Colleen Hoover. There's a part of the song where I can see the main characters dancing together, not giving into the temptation of crossing the line, but unable to resist having this one moment that says everything. Great freaking song.

Give Into Me from the movie Country Strong is so the book The Gamble by Kristen Ashley. I don't want to say anything about the book because I'm buddy reading it with Brandee only I accidentally read it before her. I'm a bad buddy, but awesome book and song, right?

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Looking, looking, and not finding it

Paul Signac Le Pin Saint Tropez
(painting by Paul Signac [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons)

I used to have a house, cute as can be. I looked at it from every angle, drew pictures of it with additions that would make it dreamy, perfect. Home. I had a neighbor who loved his yard in an intense, brooding way. One day I was out mowing the lawn with one of those push mowers. A shitty old one with dull blades and a handle that kept popping off. He walked up to me, "Robyn, what are you doing?" In these few words I understood. Why have you painted flowers on the front of your garage (because I did this) and planted a ridiculous Eucalyptus tree next to your spruce that we all wanted you to take out in the first place? What is up with the all the chimes and yard doodads? And what on earth are you doing with that ridiculous mower? It doesn't edge your lawn or cleanly bag your cut grass.

I loved roses so I planted a bunch of them. Turned out I hate roses. They poke you and scratch you and judge your lack of grace when pruning. I removed them (during wintertime) and gave them to my mother. I loved trees so I planted as many trees as our yard could handle. I quickly discovered why our house was barely damaged during our last big earthquake (back in 2001). Rock. We were built on ground that just wouldn't budge. Did that stop me? Nope. I drew pictures, went to the garden place, bought way too many plants.

I painted the interior. Every room. Annoying colors too because when you're in search of capturing a feeling, you should not go out paint shopping. I organized and planned and organized again.

And it was never enough. I couldn't find that feeling of home. I'm not sure why. When we search and compare the real word to dreams we've had since we were kids, can we ever find that thing? Can we remake our world into what we see in our heads?

I'll have a house again one day and I probably will paint flowers on the garage. I'd love another push mower, one of those fancy ones where the handles do not pop off. I'll plant tons of trees because man I love trees. I'll steer clear of roses because they suck. But I'll enjoy it. Maybe even give the walls a pat for rocking the planet because home is you in a place that makes you smile.