Saturday, January 24, 2015

Looking at Normal

I've been thinking about normal lately. I remember the standout kids when I was little, the ones who didn't give a care. I also remember looking at a sea of brown skin and dark eyes and wishing away my Irish/German/English mash-up heritage. I came home one day in Kindergarten/first grade/somewhere in there with a forced accent lacing every word. My mom put a stop to it. Adults cherish the unique and cringe at the thought of normal. Kids at some point strive for it. They fall in line with the group. They look down at themselves and back up with a plan to change. At some point the tide changes. Mine changed in third grade. I'd fallen in line (the back of the line) with a group of girls. I'm not sure I liked a single one of them, but 3rd grade was hell, so I figured the kids were supposed to be too. Then I had my accident. That was it. Not even the back of the line was open to me. I didn't have a single conversation at school with another kid with the exception of answering the "what happened to your face" question for the rest of third grade and fourth grade. Normal lost all my respect.

Now I live in the world of special needs kids and professionals in the field make it their benchmark. They throw the word around expecting smiles and nods, maybe cheers. Let's make these kids not stand apart, not stand out, not stand alone. When my oldest was in third grade, the occupational therapist told me I had to fix the way he held his pencil. This was truly dire. She'd pulled me aside in the hallway and told me his entire future would be affected by his finger grip. He'll look odd. He won't write fast. Kids will make fun of him. He won't fit in. That was the last time I spoke to her. 

Normal. I hate the word, but if my son could wish for things like that, if he could pinpoint exactly why he felt so out of place, would that be his wish? I should ask him what he wishes for and see what he has to say. Until then, I'll keep guard of his spirit and try my best not to tamp it down. 

11 comments:

  1. Normal...oh man I hate that word. I guess it's because once you truly get to know people, you realize that no one is normal. I used to wear a shirt in high school that said "Normal People Worry Me" and it's so true. Those are the ones that I don't know well, haven't seen their quirks, and will never put my trust in. That's just me though, I have no desire to fit in. For those that do, I could imagine it being quite difficult.

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    1. I never thought of it like that, but you're right. Without the quirks, it feels like you don't know who a person really is. I love that shirt you wore. It' made me think of the line in French Kiss, "Happy people make my ass twitch." I'd wear that shirt too.

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  2. I'm not a fan of normal as I prefer unique. When every one tries for normal they are just hiding who they really are. Matt @ JC's Book Haven.

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    1. It's a lot of work to hide who you are. They should let the odd out!

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  3. I agree with you guys even if I don't really like labels. What is normal, what is unique? Why do we have to call it a name? Each person is a person. The way he thinks, acts, eats, is his way. And that is enough!

    As I had said once: People are different, move on already!

    Don't bother with labels, Robyn. People just put them there to feel something. The thing is to feel yourself without the labels!

    And tha's what I believe.

    Athina @ Between my Lines

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    1. "Each person is a person...move on already!" is so you and I love that. I can just hear you saying that. Actually I can hear Meg saying it.

      I hope your dark story is making you the good kind of writer crazy.

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  4. *sighs* I actually had a long conversation about being 'normal' and 'popular' with my nine-year-old daughter this morning. She is having a little bit of trouble finding friends at school, even if she's been in the same school for over five years. And she said that it was difficult sometimes because she couldn't find anyone to play with at recess, and that many of her classmates didn't appreciate her. It made my mom-heart twist very hard in my chest, but at the same time I was so happy she told me this!
    We talked about likes and dis-likes, and she agreed that she doesn't appreciate everybody in her class, so it's OK if they don't all appreciate her either. And then I went on to tell her that I know it's really hard to feel different from the other kids when we are her age, but as we grow older, we cherish our differences, and make them a strength because we stay true to ourselves rather than follow the lead of someone who has no business leading us at all.
    I hope she'll continue to share her fears and struggles with me, just as she shares her joys and fun stuff :)
    Have a fantastic Sunday, Robyn.
    *hugs*

    Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews

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    1. Oh my goodness, what an amazing mom moment. And that is exactly it, everything you told her is what it's all about. I think it's wonderful to help her see that we all get to choose who we appreciate and don't appreciate, like and don't like, all that. My mom heart twisted too when I read about her struggles at school.

      What a neat talk you two had.

      I hope you have a wonderful week, Lexxie!

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    2. Yeah, those little moments that come out of nowhere are so great! I'm very happy we really had the time to talk this through, too :)

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  5. For me, it was fifth grade when school became hell. Maybe it even started in fourth. I don't know what the hell happened, but I remember the "popular" and rich kids were starting to separate themselves from the rest of us. And I hung out with some of those rich kids throughout elementary school, so by the time we hit junior high, the transition was confusing but complete. Irreversibly complete.

    I wanted so much to look like everyone else back in school. I wanted to wear the same name brands, wear my hair the way the other girls did, and act like them. I thought I was weird and I hated myself. I didn't feel like I really fit in anywhere until I started hanging out with a group of friends - we were all in band together.

    Luckily, Janie isn't like me at all. She isn't afraid to speak her mind and to be herself. She lets it all hang out. She isn't girly at all, and I love that about her. I love that she feels comfortable not being girly because that's who she is.

    Last Friday she told me a boy in band told her, "I need to tell you this before I forget. I don't like you." I was appalled! I asked her what she said back to him.

    She said, "I told him his brain can't hold much information so of course he had to get that out there before his brain deleted it." I think I died laughing! I'm more worried about Jack dealing with feeling "normal" or not - he's such an emotionally sensitive boy.

    Eff that occupational therapist. I mean, really, what does she know? ;)

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    1. John sounds just like Jack. I worry so much for him socially. But then I remind myself he had a rockin home base (me-hehe). Jack has a rockin home base too.

      Man, that kid with Janie. How funny. I love it when jerks set themselves up.

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