This morning I fired my younger son's school because they failed to protect him from bullying. Yep. I yanked him out and I'm homeschooling him until he's placed in a new school. My four year old has a bruise on his cheek. He's been punched in the eye, the stomach. He's been teased, had his things yanked from his hands and thrown on the floor. He's been spit on. All in one month. The school failed him. I failed him. My voice wasn't loud enough. My conversations and eye witness statements to the teacher were not enough. How come? I know the world of hitting. I was hit in school, not by students. My teachers had a fondness for paddles, wide and skinny, with and without holes. They liked metal rods and rulers. I developed my "fuck them" attitude before I was ten years old. I learned if you cry you could get away with five paddles instead of fifteen, but it's not worth how much you hate yourself for crying in front of the whole class. I learned to take it with my chin high and my mind wandering. I don't want John to learn that shit. So I fired them. Hard, with a hard voice. The girl who tried her best not to burn bridges because motherhood and divorce taught me to play nice burned a few in a matter of hours and more are lined up. I see a lot of tantrumming hugs in my future. A lot of conflict resolution. I see deadlines being pushed back and blog posts being neglected, but John will heal from this. We all will.
Think Out Loud is a mind freeing meme. Post whatever you want because we're paying attention. Promise.
(By Venera N. Lekaj - Lela (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)
Oh Robyn, that's terrible. Honestly, school here in Australia is pretty amazing because there's hardly any violence when you stay away from the bad kids. I can't imagine what you're going through right now but it's not your fault. Even if it's hard to believe and you'll often find yourself blaming yourself, it's not your fault. Bad things happen in this world. I hope you and your family don't struggle for too long. There are good places in this world. Sometimes, it takes some trial and error. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks Laura, it's always good for a mom to hear because we take so much on our shoulders. John's been out of that environment two days and I'm already seeing positive changes in his behavior (and mine). You're right, there are good places in this world. We'll find the right fit.
DeleteI bet school in Australia is amazing. I've been there twice and just loved it!
That's wonderful! I'm so glad to hear that. School in Australia isn't perfect but from what I see in movies, there's no like "give me your lunch money" or "i'm going to punch you because you're lame." As long as you find the right environment in your friends, it's good. :) Good luck again!
DeleteThis is terrible, Robyn. I don't understand why such things keep happening. Kids can be so cruel that frightens me. I hope for things to get better. You are a great mom. Don't permit yourself to think differently.
ReplyDeleteHere is my TOL and I think that these words may give you some strength.
http://between-my-lines.blogspot.gr/2013/10/think-out-loud-damaged.html
Thank you for the support, Athina. I just read your TOL. Emotionally gripping, I tell you. How amazing that you suddenly related to your character and you're adding that train of thought into your book. Your words were inspiring. A call to action.
DeleteOh my gosh Robyn that is just terrible. I'm so sorry for what happened in your childhood. That is just wrong. You did a good thing pulling him out before something worse happens. And don't blame yourself for failing him. You have spoken loud and clear and the school chose not to listen because of their thuckheadedness and hypocrisy. They failed him; the school, the teachers, the students, the administration and school system and board, failed him. But you, you saved him. So you're the hero.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for this whole graph monthaabd am super gals you enjoyed your writer's event. Would love the read mire about it when things get better for your family. Go and take some time off. We will still be here waiting and supporting you.
Aw, Ki, thanks for the good words. You're right, the school and administration failed him. I told the coordinator of the program that the school didn't honor their no tolerance policy so this is what no tolerance looks like.
DeleteJohn talked about the hitter at bedtime tonight and I told him the boy was not going to hit him again. "You mean he's not a bully anymore?" John was so hopeful and ready to be friends. What a forgiving heart. It's very inspiring.
I'll gush about the writer's conference for sure, oh and the Debbie Macomber author talk I went to a couple weeks ago.
Bullying is such an unfortunate thing to deal with. As the one being bullied and as the parent. I know when Zane came home from school with a black eye, my first reaction as the mama bear was to go beat up another mama bear to teach them how to raise their kid without hitting other kids, but I knew right away that wouldn't help anything at all. Adding a blaze to fire never really solves anything does it? Instead we sat and talked about it and read numerous books on the topic. I know everyone has to handle it their own ways and to tell you the truth, it sounds like you handled it the only way you could at the time. Many of us would've done the same in your shoes. Good luck to you all!!! You have our support for sure. <3
ReplyDeleteZane coming home with a black eye, oh goodness. I can just see me pacing the house ready to pounce on someone. It was very hard to see the mom of this boy day in and day out. A confrontation would make everything worse like you said so perfectly. You empowered Zane and that is wonderful. I checked out Llama Llama and the Bully Goat by Anna Dewdney, which helped John understand that bullies can change and no one gets to hurt him. Thanks for the support. I know you're behind me.
DeleteRobyn - the first thing I want to say is YOU.ARE.A.GOOD.MOM!!
ReplyDeleteI couldn't believe it when John had been punched - and I know you got it in the stomach from this little bully too, if I remember correctly. I cannot believe the school did nothing. The teacher did nothing. This is why I couldn't be a teacher...I'd be in trouble all the time. Because I, as a teacher or administrator, would have kicked that kid OUT! And I probably would have offered a few choice words to the mom about her parenting skills and lack thereof.Actually, I may have called in CPS - what 4 year old bullies?? One who's seeing it at home. Ugh!
None of my kids have suffered physical bullying but Berk has been the victim of bullying and recently has been dealing with cyberbullying - and I tell ya, it's awful. And I don't want my kids to suffer from bullying, having lived it myself.
You are there for John. You're helping him learn and cope - to know right from wrong. You're being an excellent role model. And you love him - he knows that. I see no failure in any of that!
**HUGS**
Thank you for the good words, Brandee. You remembered correctly. The kid ran into me with his head on the first day of school and I've been battling the school about him since then. I'm with you, I would have been fired if I was the teacher. I haven't spoken to anyone other than the teachers and program coordinator. No call from the principal who visited the classroom a few times. I'll be feeling better by Monday and people are getting some phone calls.
DeleteI hate that Berk is going through cyberbullying. She is such a neato girl. Grrh! I don't even know how to combat that. Like you said to me, she knows you love her. And you are such a mama bear. Seems to be a trend with us book blogging moms, we know the world of bullying, we love to our books, and we're hardcore mama bears.
Completely outrageous that he was punched not just once, more than once. And they did nothing makes it even more outrageous.
ReplyDeleteYou are a good mom. You did what was best for him by pulling him from that school. They obviously aren't protecting him. You did the right thing by telling them what was going on. You didn't fail your son - THEY failed him by refusing to protect him for whatever reason, which I can't even fathom what that could possibly be. His care was entrusted to them, and they were sloppy and careless in taking care of him. I can't wrap my mind around the evidence being ignored. Why was it? I just don't get it.
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this right now. No one should ever have to pull their child from school because the school refuses to put a stop to bullying. And I agree with Brandee - where is a four-year-old seeing this violent behavior but at home? The administration ought to be looking at this and taking this situation seriously. My God.
Thanks for the support, Jennifer. The school brought in a para educator. Because of that I kept John in the class that first month hoping the situation would work itself out, but the child's violent behavior is so unpredictable. To the school they think they're doing everything they can. But they are not seeing John have meltdowns as soon as he's in the car after school or the nightmares or the tantrums. I even took him to the doctor before I learned the hitting hadn't stopped because I thought John's kidney was acting up again for him to be so crazy.
DeleteIt's a mess and still unresolved. I lost my cool today on the phone so I really need to tap into a Zen state of mind to deal with people who keep saying words like "I'm sorry you feel the classroom isn't a safe environment for your son."
The support is very encouraging, very needed.