I rowed crew in college. I loved my girls, didn't give a shit about the boys. I loved the sound of oars cutting through glass, the shouting commands of ten more strokes on top of the twenty we just finished. I loved how the coaches yelled at you from their power boat and then when you shot them an incredulous look they punished the whole team with twenty-five push-ups. I loved seeing who could spit the farthest. I was so bad at that. We once rowed on a river against the current. I hated that day on the water. We fought for our seats. I was happy where I was, but I raced and won. At the following regatta and the only race that counted, we lost by a fraction of a second. The "A" boat had the killer spirit, a "destroy them!" kind of racing mentality. I was more like, "What a pretty sunrise."
I wonder about that day and my thinking. The killer drive, the take no prisoners mentality. As an author, I feel like I'm still looking at sunrises and smiling. I love my books, creating the characters, laughing with them, even crying. I love my blog. But I feel like I'm supposed to be hardcore, gung-ho, industrious. . . different than I am.
Join Think Out Loud. No rules, just you and what's on your mind.
I think if you only live with a killer drive, you miss out on beautiful sunrises! And other nice surprises life will show you, if you take the time to actually live it, not only fight it.
ReplyDeleteI admire people who know what they want in life, and who dare to fight to get it all. But that's not really me - and I'm quite happy in my life.
Why do you feel like you're supposed to be different than you are? I know I like you just the way I'm getting to know you :) Smart, fun, open-minded, loyal, articulate and nice!
Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews
That's so nice, Lexxie. I've been thinking about what you wrote on Donnie Darko Girl's Think post. It's all very encouraging, I tell you. I'm a very determined person, I just always seem to take the scenic route to get there, which must be the right speed for me. It almost seems like a cosmic ha ha that I love watching sunrises and yet I'm supernaturally impatient. It's kind of like a hippie driving a shiny Humvee.
DeleteSo, you are impatient in some things, and able to wait for something beautiful as well :) I think that's a very good way to be.
DeleteHave a fantastic Friday Robyn :)
"As an author, I feel like I'm still looking at sunrises and smiling. I love my books, creating the characters, laughing with them, even crying. I love my blog."
ReplyDeleteI love these words, Robyn. What a great post.
I haven't rowed before but then I could connect with the experience. Sometimes life isn't always about winning but about appreciating those good things around you others miss out in their quest to come out on top. At least you still have that image of the pretty sunrise in your head, and that's a good thing. :)
Thanks for sharing! :)
"others miss out in their quest to come out on top" is so right. When I started blogging I had no idea this world existed and now it has a role in my life apart from the whole indie-author formula. It has been really neat learning what I have learned so far, but then my brain sort of just went on strike. "No more!" I think I'm ready to learn again.
DeleteDo you have a timeline for Beach Man to go to ebook?
I loved this Robyn. Fantastic as usual. Makes me think back to my Senior Year. A softball tournament championship that took place during a butterfly migration through that area. I was so in awe of these beautiful fairie like creatures that I totally forgot to pay attention to what I was doing (which was supposed to be playing right field)... my mom was there and she saw me totally have a happy moment with the butterflies. She was terrified I was going to get hit in the head with the ball. lol
ReplyDeleteThanks for helping me remember that...
That sounds so amazing! I can just see it in a movie. What a contrast between softball and butterflies and the fact that you were playing in such an important game. I love that they captured your attention. My mom would have been freaking out too! Softball was a sport I never once considered playing voluntarily because I am telling you I can't hit/catch the ball to save my life. And I hate someone throwing stuff at me. You should have seen me in the outfield, looking up and praying a ball wouldn't come my way (instead of actually catching the balls that did make it all the way to my petrified position). How neato to see that.
DeleteAnother one amazing Think out Loud. You painted a very beautiful picture, Robyn. Your last words stuck into my mind. "But I feel like I'm supposed to be hardcore, gung-ho, industrious. . . different than I am."
ReplyDeleteI feel this way too sometimes. Like I don't fit in the world, like I am so different than everybody else. I feel that most people around me don't understand me. This can be very hard sometimes but that's who I am. I'm quiet, a little shy, polite, I don't follow the crowd, and only a few can see the craziness I have inside. But that's okay, everyone can think whatever they want as far as we're okay with ourselves.
So, don't think that you should be different, don't care what other do or say. Everyone is unique and so sad that they try to look alike.
My step sister's daughter is the most shy person I've ever met. Will latched on to her and started telling her everything in his head, which consisted of hundreds of shows and computer games. She listened so sweetly. I'm not sure when I have been so touched by someone. I think shyness is an amazing quality. I'm motherhood-induced shy, which isn't sweet. But you are so right about having this craziness no one can see, but you feel it and love it. It's nice to hear someone say "I feel this way too sometimes." We're alone, but not. I think writing is one of the ways we share that craziness with the world.
Delete